of course with my second midterm 13 hours away, i feel the need to tear my eyes away from those boring slides and wander over here, to regurgitate about my life and feelings on cyberspace.

maybe it's the long hours of summer, or sitting at home not doing anything and then travelling around and doing everything, but i'm starting to feel numb to life.

nothing can stir me up (save anger, omg, but that's a totally different story) and make me feel the surge of passion for life, for anything, that used to embody my entire being.

of course i'm going to see my boyfriend today, of course i'm going to eat, of course of course of course anything and everything.

even travelling is becoming routine.

i sound like a spoiled, selfish brat.

sometimes, when i'm listening to stories or seeing pictures, i yearn for that same kind of excitement and contentment that people seem to have.

how do they do it?

how are people so satisfied?

what do they have, what do they know that i keep missing?

and now, at this point in my entry, aren't i supposed to give you the

"and it hit me".... but there is no such thing.

sigh.

even when its hard to imagine and hard to believe or make sense of Jesus really being there, here, living inside me, even as i type this with such nonchalance,

it must be true.

and i guess in the end that's all the really matters anyways.